Stress

I just need a place to get it all out. If you find this, you probably have some inclination as to what I feel like right now....most days really. I am at the baking point. Yes, the baking point. When my stress and anxiety boil over to the kitchen, I have passed the pont to deal in any other way. Needless to say, my family will have baked goods for awhile.


So, what's my deal, anyway, you ask? Oh, where do I start? Where indeed.


I have an ex I would love to shove in a swamp somewhere. One of those with lots of gators and bacteria that eat you alive. He didn't used to be so bad. Or, maybe he was and I was blind. Who knows now. The point is this, when one has children, one makes a commitment to care for them. Sometimes, they walk. I wish my ex had. Yanking chains and being "sometimes daddy" is so much worse than any Disneyland dad. Disappearing for years only to come back and try to control a family you left behind... I just really am not a fan.


He inadvertently lost me my job a few months back. Can't fix that. It's a paperwork and technicality nightmare. I tried. It's not that they don't want me doing the job. It's more that specifics aren't met for the job, where they were before Gator Bait interfered. So, one person income for our family for months has sucked.


You know what happens when income drops drastically? You have to choose what bills to pay. Some just don't get paid. For us, we chose a roof and the things the kids needed over the car. Yup. That's gone. No car. Awesome.


So, no car, no job.... What's that? Rent is due? Awesome.


Don't get me wrong. We can pay rent. Hell, it's why we don't have a car, but come on Life, work with me here.


I am not sure any of this has a point. I think I just needed to get it out. I may be tearful and baking like a maniac, but I am not dead. They say stress kills. Well, kiss this stress!


Life really sucks right now. No, we don't have much support, any really. It would be nice if someone could say it would be ok, but nobody knows. Looks like 2015 is going to be all about new beginnings, starting with the meltdown my youngest just spiraled into...